Day 89 - Finally

Watercolor
I am caught up with my posts. I kept painting and drawing everyday but could not always find the time to post. So here it is. The actual 89th day. I'm off to belly dancing with the girls!

Day 88 - Friday

Watercolor, Venice, Italy 2006
The weekend is here. So many things to HAVE to do and all I'd like to really do is paint all weekend. We'll see what happens. Happy Friday everyone. I am taking a break from the difficulties of life today and going to just enjoy myself. Back to worry and warts tomorrow.

Day 87 - Weekend

Unfinished Watercolor
It is finally upon us. It feels already like it's going to be too busy as there are many demands on my time. I have a lot of work to do for my grad course, and the yard needs a start and I want to cycle in Goshen and there are friends to see. How will it all get done? One foot in front of the other...

Day 86 - Son

Watercolor
I just love talking to my son. He makes me laugh more than anyone and I learn something about life from him each time we are together. I am working on a Flash movie about him and hope I can finish it in 28 days (which is the name of the movie). He is and has always been my joy. Again, life is good.

Day 85 - Change

Watercolor
Julia Cameron in The Artist's Way says that when we are faced with impending change that we fight it with everything in our being. We tend to resent the pain no matter what gain it brings us. Anger boils up, revealing to the blocked artist that change is coming - the anger shows it. She says it is the firestorm that signals the death of our old self and propels us into our new one. Anger can be a tool if used wisely, but ultimately all is best when anger has subsided. The Bible says to Be angry but not to let the sun go down on our wrath. Good advice.

Day 84 - Dating

Charcoal self portrait
Very strange. Enough said.

Day 83 - Massage

Watercolor
The week has been unusually stressful, but I got to have dinner with a friend last night and today I am getting a massage. Relationships themselves (good ones) can be like a massage to an aching back - comforting, stress relieving and just generally good for the soul. Back to work after work on my back!

Day 82 - Anger

Watercolor
From GriefShare.com

No matter where your anger is directed, you must be honest about what you are feeling. Honesty with yourself and others is an important step on your grief journey.

"You might as well tell the truth to God, because He knows anyhow," says Dee Brestin.

Suppressed and silent anger will intensify and hurt only you.

Learning how to handle anger has been a huge step in my grieving process. As Monty Python said "I got better!"

Day 81 - Strive

Pencil - foundation for watercolor portrait
I was watching one of my favorite shows and the closing scene quote was this:

"though we are not now that strength which in days of old moved heaven and earth
that which we are, we are;
one equal temper of heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate,
but strong in will,
to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. "

I googled it and saw that it was from Alfred Lord Tennyson's Ulysses. I thought about striving and not yielding to pressure, temptation, procrastination - all things that produce stress. The quote was uplifting and got me back on track with postings. I am posting the past week's drawings and paintings as a result.

Day 80 - Trout

Watercolor

I thought a great deal about replenishing creative resources or "restocking the trout pond". To do this on a daily basis is challenging to say the least. I find myself reading about art and creativity, taking walks, looking, really looking, as I drive around my beautiful part of New Jersey (yes, it is beautiful here), and experimenting with new materials like cut paper, watercolor pencils and fabric. Everything in life is a learning experience to explore and express our creativity. Who knew life could be this fun.

Day 79 - Mystery

Watercolor

As artists we need to become self-nurturing. Julia Cameron (The Artist’s Way – can you tell I love that book!) calls it restocking the trout pond or consciously replenishing our creative resources as we draw on them. We should be thinking along the lines of delight and fun, not duty. We need to do what intrigues us and explore what interests us. We need to think MYSTERY, not MASTERY.

Day 78 - Scars

Photoshop enhanced watercolor of Mom and Dad

The Artist's Way discusses emotional scar tissue. The way to recognize, nurture and protect the inner artist as we move toward healing, is to learn ways to recognize and resolve fear and strengthen confidence. Old ideas about creativity need to be explored and then discarded to open the door to new ideas about our creative selves and removal of self doubt. It is an interesting process to watch the creative spirit emerge from the battle with scars intact but pain free.

Day 77 - Open-mindedness

Watercolor of my Dad

Julia Cameron in her book "The Artist's Way" states that creativity is an experience, a spiritual experience. It does not matter which way you think of it: creativity leading to spirituality or spirituality leading to creativity. She does not make a distinction between the two. It is only necessary to examine our beliefs in the creative process. She says to think of creative recovery as an exercise in open-mindedness. I am always trying to become more open minded about life, about others and about myself. It is a necessary part of the healing process.

Day 76 - Action

Watercolor of my Mom

I read today that resisting the temptation to put things off, will make you feel better knowing you are taking action. Lent has been a good time to reflect on what needs improving and honesty within. It is a time of self-discipline through which there is nothing to lose and everything to be gained. If we let go of anything unworthy of us we immediately make room in our mind and heart for better things to enter. From Martha Smock, Dare To Believe

Day 75 - Journey

Paper Collage

From my dear friend Sue:

The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
- Mary Oliver, from Dream Work (1986)

Day 74 - Behind

Watercolor

I have been keeping up with my drawing and painting every day but haven't posted because, well, I've been having too much fun! It is my birthday "week" (yes, our family would celebrate for a week!) so I've been to my sister's house, out with friends, my son and just generally "playing", so reality hits tomorrow (back to work) and I will catch up with posts. Today's watercolor is because it is so beautiful out and I am ready to garden! Spring equals new life and I will be doing garden themes throughout the rest of March and April. Life is very good.

Day 73 - Balance

Watercolor

I had been sick for two days - so unlike me, but my friend and I figured out that I'm run down from trying to do too much and from worrying about some "things". How do you find a balance between work and fun? (Most times I consider work fun). I did go out and had a great time but felt guilty about all the work I still needed to catch up on. Now, the birthday week is here and so is more guilt. I will have to figure out that balance thing one day.

On another note my minister gave a great sermon about the Prodigal Son. His words resonated in my head all day. There is no such thing as failure in God's eyes. He just loves and forgives as we struggle with our choices. It was a very good day.

Day 72 - Vacation

Watercolor

I am officially on vacation as of 5 pm today. I have SO many plans. Let's see how many I get done in the next week...

Day 71 - Steps

Watercolor

Healthy Grieving: Step Six

It's time to change the focus of your thoughts from yourself to other people. Open your eyes to the needs around you. Through your experience you have developed new character traits and knowledge, and you have received encouragement and consolation with which you, in turn, can comfort others.


Healthy Grieving: Step Seven

Trust God and cling to Him. Bring all your questions and feelings honestly to Him. Appeal to Him; cry to Him; yell at Him; confess to Him, and then sit back in His arms and trust.

Day 70 -Creativity

Watercolor

In Julia Cameron's book Inspirations, the author of The Artist's Way talks about the artist's need for creativity. she goes on to say that we are meant to continue creativity by being creative because we are, ourselves, creations. Creativity is God's gift to us and using it is our gift back to God. The refusal to be creative is self-will is counter to our true nature. I love how she talks : )

Day 69 - Nesting

Watercolor

The term nesting can refer to a structure, a retreat, a coming together, a gang of people, to fit together and a place of refuge. The last one is how I feel about my my space. It has become a place of refuge. It's not so much about the 4 walls of my home, but about my need to create. Sometimes others crowd that space and I can't move forward in my work. I am trying to find that balance with those trying to share my life. So far, it's still a "nest of confusion". I am sure I will figure it out eventually. In the meantime...

Day 68 - Healthy

Watercolor

Healthy Grieving

Step One
Acknowledge and understand your own grief. "The people who recover are the people who admit their loss and are able to talk about it."

Step Two
Allow your needs to be recognized by others. To apply this step, you must first recognize these needs for yourself.

Step Three
Feel free to grieve in your own way.

Step Four
Tell your story to others. Give someone an honest account of your loss.

Step Five
Commit to the journey, long or short, that leads back into living life.

Day 67 - LentTWO

Watercolor
More thoughts from my Pastor. I took these comments from an article he wrote for our newsletter. They were particularly meaningful to me.

Hope is possible because of a relationship with God.
It’s the kind of relationship that can weather
any storm or disaster. It’s unconditional Love,
Joy and Peace untouchable by whatever life may
throw at us. It’s like spring showers that warm
the frozen, fallow grounds of our hearts making
it ready for the planted seed.
And after what turned out to be the longest
and coldest winter in recent memory, we need
the spring showers to wash it away and rain
down drops of hope and new life into us.

Day 66 - LentONE

Watercolor

Thoughts from my Pastor in our monthly newsletter:

Lent is a time for renewal and transformation. It’s a time for
us to wrestle with what’s holding us back from
truly living. I mean TRULY living, not just
existing or taking up space and resources.
“Every man dies, but not every man TRULY
lives,” said Braveheart. And maybe this is you or someone you love,
breathing but not truly living because of fears,
worries, anger, and bitterness. You need release and freedom from what’s holding you back. On Easter, the day of the resurrection, early
Christians rose to the east to meet the warmth
of the rising sun, a symbol of new birth, new life
and… HOPE. Lent for them, was a time of
preparation culminating with their own
“resurrection” from the cold, unforgiving
darkness of a life without hope. Maybe this is
what you’ve been looking for… a resurrection.

Continued tomorrow.

Day 65 - InnerPeace

Watercolor
If you can start the day without caffeine
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any attention
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment
If you can conquer tension without medical help
If you can relax without liquor
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then you are probably the family dog.

Day 64 - More

Watercolor and Photoshop

Day 63 - Autobiography

Watercolor and Photoshop
My first assignment for my Art Therapy course was to write a spiritual autobiogaphy. Today's post as well as tomorrow are the images illustrating that document. Very introspective soul searching. I guess it's something that would benefit most people but it can be uncomfortable. The question I kept asking myself is what's a little discomfort when the outcomes are so worthwhile?